In the Realm of the Senses, 1976 NC-17

This film, considered a classic by many, offers a beautifully filmed story of Japanese culture in the late 1930’s as the country moves towards imperialism. It is a classic ‘til death do us part’ love story of a master and prostitute mistress. It is very explicit and to my taste shows more than I wanted to see. Many characterize this move as very erotic. I could not get past the violence to enjoy the eroticism. It is beautifully filmed with close up photography. The story is one of pleasure to pain to possession. To me it was disturbing. 7/5/14

Blue is the Warmest Color, 2013 NC-17

Blue is the Warmest Color is a highly erotic and one of the best coming of age films in 25 years. The superb hand held camera work is only exceeded by the brilliant acting of Adele Exachopoulos. The press has focused on the “longest non-porn film” lesbian love scene with justification because it is highly erotic and beautifully filmed. However of almost equal in merit are the close-up spaghetti eating scenes of a French family enjoying a meal of pasta. Only the French could deliver a film with highly explicit erotic sex scenes and simultaneously deliver a film with charming and imaginative 5 year olds enjoying a school musical. The film would be worthwhile without a meaningful story. In fact we are treated to a heartfelt journey of a young woman to find first her sexual identity but moreover her life’s purpose. The story mirrors all of our sexual journeys where we unintentionally hurt someone who loves us and are intentionally hurt by someone we loved. This French film with English sub-titles can truly be compared to such great movies as Terms of Endearment and Ordinary People. Feb. 2014

Sex At Dawn, by Christopher Ryan and Cacilda Jetha’, Haper Collins, 2010

Kate Dailey of Newsweek says of this book “it takes a swing at pretty much every big idea on human nature: that poverty is an inevitable consequence of life on earth, that mankind is by nature brutish and, most important, that humans evolved to be monogamous.”

Sex At Dawn is an important and thought provoking book that challenges many of the accepted assumptions of western culture. Here is a sampling of Ryan and Jetha’ ideas;

• Humans are evolved to have multiple sexual partners either sequentially, simultaneously or both,
• Political and religious systems support property ownership that includes women. These systems are purposefully designed to impede female sexuality,
• Cultures with female leadership, shared parenting and maternal lineage are associated with robust female sexual activity, high female sexual desire, non-monogamous orientation, economic parity and lower male violence.
• Given religious and political restraint, the human female is sexually insatiable whereas the human male requires prolonged periods of recovery.
• Nearly all sexual assumptions of evolution, anthropology and psychology are false
• The assertions that humans are naturally monogamous, most fulfilled in single life-long relationships, and best parents in pair-bonded relationships, are false,
• Male promiscuity is hormonal and endocrine driven
• Knowing “who your father is” only became important with concepts of capital ownership

The list goes on, and also at times the book is very funny!

The authors present their arguments about sexuality in the context of scientific evidence. Some of their assertions lack depth of evidence; however the scope of their data cannot simply be dismissed. This is an important read for those interested in human sexuality but also for those struggling with infidelity. Not surprisingly, the authors suggest some unorthodox solutions. It is a must read for marriage and family counselors. 1/6/14

Sex, Lies and Video tapes, 1989, R

This is an excellent film about lies and sex. Each actor plays a different side of the drama. One woman wants much more sex while her sister wants none. One man wants much more sex but cannot get his body to cooperate. This drama centers on the videotaping of the women telling their sexual desires and fantasies. They are promised that the tapes will never be seen. Steven Soderbergh is the producer of this award winning film. This is a must see. It is thought provoking and profound

Don’t Look Down, 2008, UR

There are so few quality erotic films. Many of the erotic films on Netflix are rated 2 stars or below and are marketed to adolescent boys (even if their age is 35). Elisea Subiela’s Spanish film “Don’t Look Down” is clearly an exception.

I am not a fan of Tantric sex that is design to withhold an organism. However, this film has tastefully and erotic Tantric sex but without the zealot tones of some new age philosophy and certainly not for a minute is it lewd or rude.  As far as delivering the essence of sex merged with spiritually, it is delivered with humor and balance. The photography of the many sex scenes is wonderful. This is many times more erotic than adolescent “tits and ass” films, however I would of liked to of seen some frontal male nudity along with the many frontal female scenes. Nonetheless, as one Netflix reviewer wrote, “The film has lightness and humor, Latin American magical realism, and utterly engaging and empathetic characters. There is the interplay of life and death, and love and surrender/loss. There is the sense of being a whole person with one's eroticism, of bringing a sense of spiritual eroticism into every part of life, rather than hiding it away out of shame or embarrassment.”

The storyline is one of a mature lady teaching a younger man the joy of sex without pressure and without the need to climax or even end. I highly recommend this film and it can be seen on Netflix. 11-01-13

The Unbearable Likeness of Being. 1988, R

For those who wonder if Abraham Lincoln ever had a sex life, I would recommend the film The Unbearable Likeness of Being. Daniel Day Lewis, the star of Lincoln (2012) the movie, is also the lead in this excellent and award winning film. Lewis is not (of course) sexual in Lincoln but is very sexual in Likeness of Being. The film is an epic story of a couple’s struggle against Communism in their home country of Czechoslovakia, but maybe even more a epic struggle of marriage fidelity. The film is brilliantly edited to include real news film clips edited to include the actors. Remember this is 1988 before digital editing. The film has plenty of nudity and numerous wild sex scenes. However, my recent re-viewing of the film left me feeling the themes and drama are current and the film has not aged. 2/5/13

Now & Later, 2009, NR

 Philippe Diaz directed this very erotic and interesting film. Philippe Diaz is noted for provocative documentaries centered on economic inequalities as a result of colonization. This is not particularly the resume’ expected for erotic drama. Nonetheless, he takes these same themes into this sensual story of a beautiful Nicaraguan lady who befriends a white collar criminal and capitalist banker running from the law. Yes, I am not making the storyline up. The odd fact is that the storyline works. She teaches the gentleman to live for NOW rather than LATER. The film is very explicit with not just nudity but graphic scenes of love making. The photography is beautiful and the dialogue is genuine. A strong recommendation as a couples film unless you are a member of the tea party or turned off by socialism. 2/5/13

Take This Waltz, 2011, R

Michelle Williams provides yet another outstanding performance as Margot in this excellent film. Williams continues a career where she delivers films that explore sex and the complicated relationships surrounding sex. Her credits in this area include Brokeback Mountain, If These Walls Could Talk, Mammoth, My Week With Marilyn and Blue Valentine. The storyline of Take This Waltz has been told many times; married woman chooses erotic affair, leaving devoted husband. The storyline in this film is less important than the complicated nuances’ in this drama delivered by Williams and director Sarah Polley. These scenes include a shower sequence of 8 nude woman ages 30-70 discussing the pros and cons of taking risks in relationships, an underwater swimming pool dance of Margot and her lover that abruptly ends with a touch, a heartbreaking multiple shot sequence of husband’s reactions upon hearing of his wife’s affair and the erotic lovemaking scenes of the couple as (yes) they invite others to join them in their bed. The story may be simple but the drama is complex and the outcome unclear. 2/5/13

Sexual Chronicle of a French Family, 2012, NR

Why do the French seem so comfortable about sex? Having traveled to France I have witnessed the many nude and topless beaches, the open display of erotic marketing and the beautiful women who yes, refuse to shave their armpits and elsewhere. This film continues the story of how the French are comfortable with their sexuality.

This is a stylish, high definition, erotic, explicit and romantic film with enough storyline to keep your intellectual interest. The explicit nature of the film certainly will keep your erotic interest. The characters are fresh. There is ample nudity and many real scenes of sexual intimacy. The story is about a 3-generation family whose members are each dealing with sexual discovery. The mother played by Valerie Mais is the center of the family. Her focus is to encourage members to accept their sexuality as something healthy. The issues of family members include prostitution, bi-sexuality, loss of virginity, masturbation, fantasy role playing, group sex and much more! This would seem chaotic yet the film’s storyline manages to hold these themes together. These issues are addressed honestly and with much explicate content. This is a good film but definitely not for children. 11/15/12

Conception, 2011, NR

This is a painfully funny film about the complexity of couples in love trying to have sex and either trying to become pregnant or trying not to become pregnant. The film follows 9 very different couples. It documents that sex often is so exciting during romance and then later becomes a chore. Sometimes it is even worse than a chore as it becomes the background for battle. The film is a catalog of events and conflict that drain sex of pleasure. However, they are all so painfully real. Connie Britton from Friday Night Lights, is excellent in this film. This is a funny, entertaining and provocative film. I recommend it. 11/15/12

Hope Springs, 2012, PG-13

Meryl Streep, Tommy Lee Jones; Directed by David Frankel

Crediting the value of sex by its absence is the basis of Hope Springs, but there’s warmth, and, eventually, slow passion in this film that a friend concisely calls “cute, awkward, and predictable.” A couple (Meryl Streep and Tommy Lee Jones), married thirty-two years in a life that has become humdrum, are insistently coaxed, prodded, and provoked by a prominent sex and marriage counselor and author (Steve Carell) toward regaining intimacy. They come to see, that it is both essential to vitality and legitimately theirs to thrive on.

I completely agree with “cute, awkward, and predictable.” This film is recommended if you are not in a frame of mind for nuance, depth, glamour, or sexual tension and release. What’s left then? The humor of Streep and Jones to fit in their characters, sensory comforts combined with a reminder that simply co-occupying a long-term relationship can erase the erotic and passion of the heart.

Reviewed by DR 11/15/12

I enjoyed the film. It was predictable. But maybe trying to get sex back into a 31 year marriage is never really predictable. The film was heartwarming and romantic. These are good things that should not be reserved only for young couples.
Paul 12/24/12

Sex in Film: MAD MEN, season 5

Emmy and Golden Globe drama winner MAD MEN (AMC TV, Matthew Weiner exec. producer and large principal cast), in its 5^th season, follows a New York City advertising agency in the1960s. The writing is smart, the characters well developed, the settings and situations plentiful and accurate. Personal and societal brilliance, shortcomings, quirks, and sometimes quick, but more often painfully slow personal growth figure throughout.

MAD MEN draws much of its dramatic energy from the charismatic, polished, urbane, and enigmatic Don Draper (Jon Hamm), and his male colleagues, but each season shifts more emphasis on the women. What they are seeing, doing, feeling and struggling with determines much of what we see on screen. They grew up being told that the man they became dependent upon would define them. Their struggle to recognize this fact and respond to it in their individual lives makes for dramatic tension. The women created by Weiner and his writers are not stereotypes, but archetypes. In 43 minute weekly episodes, their inner lives cannot be told so well as in a full length film, but their experience of sex is a central story element of MAD MEN.

There are zipless fucks in good supply: Draper’s wife Betty (Joan January) enjoying the vibrations of her automatic washer, or standing up in a hallway alcove coupling with a new male acquaintance. Elisabeth Moss’ character, Peggy, AWOL at a movie after an office catastrophe, brings to climax a man who offers her a joint in the almost empty theater. Draper’s glamorous mother-in-law briefly leaves the table at a business awards dinner and takes in her mouth Draper’s business partner. The camera eye, from a distance, is that of Draper’s 12 y.o. Daughter. At work, couches, or at least desks to lean on as soon as the office door is locked, accommodate sex.  By contrast in season 5, Draper’s new wife Megan (Jessica Paré), is a force of sexual voracity, brains, and heart, devoted entirely to him. In several memorable scenes, he seems to find it unfathomable that he now feels the like toward her. The Don Draper of season 5 brings to mind Mr. Jones, in Bob Dylan’s Ballad of a Thin Man. He sees something happening here, but doesn’t know what it is.

The sexual scenes are strongly instrumental to theme and plot, but are new ground for a popular 8:00 PM cable TV serial. They entice, transgress, and reflect angst over gender and governance. I’ve been amused, embarrassed, discomforted, excited, piqued, and encouraged by Mad Men. It’s edgier than, say, Friday Night Lights, and less clear as to character and emotions, but just as true.  Recommend.

Reviewed by DR

Easier With Practice 2009- NR

We often think of “coming of age” films as stories about 16 year olds. This movie is a “coming of age” film about a 28 year old. Davy (played by Brian Geraghty of The Hurt Locker fame) is a struggling short story author who is depressed and without purpose -- until an unexpected phone call from stranger Nicole leads to life-changing phone sex. Davy learns to be honest with himself and learns when to be dishonest with others. “Coming of age” very often, not sometimes but often, means giving up an unrealistic sexual fantasy for a true relationship of meaning. These meaningful relationships are sometimes erotic, sometimes not, but always soulful. This is an excellent independent film about lonely people finding companionship. 2/5/12

The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo 2011 – R

Swedish author Stieg Larsson left unpublished a sequence of three novels after his death in 2004. The first, Men Who Hate Woman (translation via Wikipedia) came out as The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo in 2005. A Swedish language film of the same name followed in 2009, and, in 2011, a U.S. production in English. I’ve seen both films and will concentrate on the second, though unavoidably with the first in view. The same Wikipedia contributor offered that, when a youth, Larsson failed to intervene in a gang rape of a young girl named Lisbeth, the name given to his tattooed and damaged principal character.

Sexual energy is prominent in the main and primary supporting roles but no one smiles about it, and all have other, pressing business. The plot is complicated. Lisbeth, reflecting abuse by caregivers, perhaps, seduces woman and man expeditiously, with a strong physical presence. But only a short time previous (the film jumps around), she is mercilessly raped and sodomized by her legally appointed guardian in a frank and brutal scene, one of several. She manages later to systematically return the favor and attendant blackmail. Though Rooney Mara as Lisbeth and Daniel Craig as journalist Mikael Blomkvist are picturesque in coupling, they are only weakly intimate. They manage just a tentative reaching out and, at the same time, satisfy an appetite only just arisen. Even in Mikael’s long-term affair with married business colleague Erika (Robin Wright), intimacy gets shorted.

If there’s a sexual theme, it’s the weakening of eroticism and intimacy. The backgrounds and circumstances of the characters are poor soil to nourish affection. Despite very good cinematography and acting, I find the colder, darker, less heroic Swedish version and its more furtive, desperate and hasty characters – and sex - more genuine, but the brutal scenes are comparable. Be prepared.

I recommend the film. Its cinematic and narrative qualities are strong, including sexual intimacy pinched in two lives dominated by retribution. I don't recall Mikael and Lisbeth kissing. Mid stride during intercourse, she on top, they exchange ideas about the investigations that form most of the plot. Lisbeth postpones the talk just long enough for her orgasm. Sexy, yes, but painfully lean in interpersonal comforts.
  Reviewed by David R. 2/5/12

Room in Rome (2010) - NR

Room in Rome is a beautiful and very erotic film. It is the story of two young women meeting for a single night erotic encounter. But the film is so much more. The director Julio Medem captures all the subtle shadows of two beautiful naked women in a dimly light exotic Rome hotel room. Through the women remain nude throughout the film; the erotic shadows lessen as the past painful secrets of the women are revealed. The haunting soundtrack from Russian Red with the hit single “Loving Strangers” creates a perfect mood for this film. 1/6/12

Erotic Massage Video Clips (Adults Only, Dailymotion video web site, couplesmassage group)

Dailymotion (http://www.dailymotion.com/) is a video posting web site similar to YouTube. One difference however is that dailymotion allows explicit and erotic video postings. We have found the quality of the videos to be very good and very erotic. The site does occasionally have advertisements that delay the viewing of clips. The site is relatively safe from spyware or viruses. Nonetheless, viewing erotic material on the web ALWAYS requires virus protection software. A dailymotion account is required to view erotic content and the “family filter ON” must be clicked and turned “OFF”.

We have collected 8 erotic massage video clips in a group. The group is called “couplesmassage.” This group can be opened by searching on the site for “couplesmassage” or using the following link http://www.dailymotion.com/group/couplesmassage#videoId=xlay6b

Erotic massage is a wonderful way to give pleasure, love and acceptance to your partner. Watching videos of erotic massage is a wonderful way to enjoy foreplay or mutual self play. Erotic massage videos are perfect companions to vibrators. The 8 erotic massage video clips on our group “couplesmassage” are ones we have particularly enjoyed. They range from 4 minutes to 10 minutes in length. Two clips feature Tantric massage instruction and demonstration. Another set of clips feature NUMA gel oriental full body massage. A final set of clips demonstrate erotic massage techniques. One 10 minute clip features a massage in an outdoor stone bathtub. The location is tropical with flower petals floating in the tub. This clip is truly an exotic and sensual scene. We welcome others to join this web group, comment on our selections and add links to erotic massage clips they have found enjoyable. 12/8/11

Friday Night Lights (2006-2010) TV-PG

The history of this extraordinary series runs parallel to the drama it portrayed. Despite critical acclaim, this series drew little initial attention from viewers. It first aired on a small cable network and then at season three production was delayed due to the 2008 writers strike. The series was nearly cancelled before NBC picked it up and aired it secondary to the cabal outlet. Finally, in season five, it began to collect both Emmy nominations and awards. The popularity of this ended series is now greater than when it aired. Nearly all the actors have been picked up for new movie contracts.

I wish I could give 10 out of 10 stars to this series. This is one of my best if not my best television experience. Just to be clear, I love Mad Men, 6 Feet Under, etc. The story in this coming of age series is about people working hard to get it right. It is a genuinely heart-felt drama of people making mistakes, admitting to errors and then trying harder to get it right. The relations in this series are real. The pain and tears are real. The lessons about growing-up are real for all of us. This series is a treasure. You can rent the full five seasons from Netflix.

The series tracks the first sexual and love relationships of teenagers all centered on small town high school football. It also tracks the response of their parents. It teaches that relationships can change. These changes shift our feelings of love to new partners. Yet it models how friendships and respect can survive these changes. The series captures the first love sexual experience of young people in a way that reminds us all of the bitter sweet pain of our own youth. These memories are valuable for all of us to revisit. Friday Night Lights is scripted to encourage adult tears. These tears recognize similar pain in our history and encourage us to be better parents. 12/3/11

The Song of Lunch (11/13/11-Masterpiece Contemporary) TV-PBS

A 1 hour screen play following a narrative poem of the same name by Christopher Reid. Alan Rickman and Emma Thompson play former lovers. Fifteen years have passed since their love affair ended. They meet for lunch, their first since separation. She is affable and sensitive from the start, and he awkward, then dour, then disconnected altogether, dominated by everyone and everything, even the wine. Their lives have been wholly different in the intervening years. She's well married to a successful author and appears happy and robust. His poems never found much of an audience and his days working for a publisher are taken up with the literary failings of other writers, or, perhaps worse, the occasional discovery of a new and brilliant manuscript. What the heck was he thinking when he invited her? This is a film about a man with inside voices, not crazy and psychotic voices, but inside voices. He is so caught up with himself that even in the presence of the one person who has given him the most joy in his life, and most erotic joy at that, he chooses to get drunk. Filmed from the back and revisited several times, you are there with him in their lovemaking long past. And that's the point. He's never moved on. Lunch together would be just the time to clear away a few sore spots that might remain, replacing them with small affections. But that is not to be. Rickman and Thompson are masterful. Watching their faces is to take in a parallel script, not always compatible with their lines. This is an accomplished little film, with some clever surprises. Sexual intimacy is a central element of the plot and the on-screen sex most effective. What's also remarkable is its appearance on broadcast TV on Sunday evening. This film is also available on line. This is a film that encourages us to not spend many years thinking and drinking away the lost sexual and intimacy pleasures. This is a film that illustrates the failure that results from not changing the inside voices. Submitted by David R. 12/7/11

Blue Valentine (2010) - R

This is a sad (blue) and disturbing film. It is also brilliantly acted and a must see. It pulls back the cover on some of the most painful exchanges between people who once loved each other and now hold each other in contempt. This is not a story of good person / bad person but in the end both are contributing to the pain. The film moves forward and backward in time giving the audience scenes from better times. However, even the better times were not that good. The film’s ads caution the audience regarding explicit sexuality. After seeing the film I honestly could not remember seeing explicit sex. Perhaps the film was so painful that even the sex could not be recognized apart from the couple’s dysfunction. See this film for the award nominating acting and screenplay. Be prepared to be disturbed. 6/15/11