Saturday, January 11, 2014

Sex At Dawn, by Christopher Ryan and Cacilda Jetha’, Haper Collins, 2010


Kate Dailey of Newsweek says of this book “it takes a swing at pretty much every big idea on human nature: that poverty is an inevitable consequence of life on earth, that mankind is by nature brutish and, most important, that humans evolved to be monogamous.”

Sex At Dawn is an important and thought provoking book that challenges many of the accepted assumptions of western culture. Here is a sampling of Ryan and Jetha’ ideas;

  • Humans are evolved to have multiple sexual partners either sequentially, simultaneously or both,
  • Political and religious systems support property ownership that includes women. These systems are purposefully designed to impede female sexuality,
  • Cultures with female leadership, shared parenting and maternal lineage are associated with robust female sexual activity, high female sexual desire, non-monogamous orientation, economic parity and lower male violence.
  • Given religious and political restraint, the human female is sexually insatiable whereas the human male requires prolonged periods of recovery.
  • Nearly all sexual assumptions of evolution, anthropology and psychology are false
  • The assertions that humans are naturally monogamous, most fulfilled in single life-long relationships, and best parents in pair-bonded relationships, are false,
  • Male promiscuity is hormonal and endocrine driven
  • Knowing “who your father is” only became important with concepts of capital ownership
The list goes on, and also at times the book is very funny!

The authors present their arguments about sexuality in the context of scientific evidence. Some of their assertions lack depth of evidence; however the scope of their data cannot simply be dismissed. This is an important read for those interested in human sexuality but also for those struggling with infidelity. Not surprisingly, the authors suggest some unorthodox solutions. It is a must read for marriage and family counselors. 1/6/14

Sunday, December 01, 2013

Sex, Lies and Video tapes, 1989, R



This is an excellent film about lies and sex. Each actor plays a different side of the drama. One woman wants much more sex while her sister wants none. One man wants much more sex but cannot get his body to cooperate. This drama centers on the videotaping of the women telling their sexual desires and fantasies. They are promised that the tapes will never be seen. Steven Soderbergh is the producer of this award winning film. This is a must see. It is thought provoking and profound

Saturday, November 30, 2013

Don’t Look Down, 2008, UR

There are so few quality erotic films. Many of the erotic films on Netflix are rated 2 stars or below and are marketed to adolescent boys (even if their age is 35). Elisea Subiela’s Spanish film “Don’t Look Down” is clearly an exception.

I am not a fan of Tantric sex that is design to withhold an organism. However, this film has tastefully and erotic Tantric sex but without the zealot tones of some new age philosophy and certainly not for a minute is it lewd or rude.  As far as delivering the essence of sex merged with spiritually, it is delivered with humor and balance. The photography of the many sex scenes is wonderful. This is many times more erotic than adolescent “tits and ass” films, however I would of liked to of seen some frontal male nudity along with the many frontal female scenes. Nonetheless, as one Netflix reviewer wrote, “The film has lightness and humor, Latin American magical realism, and utterly engaging and empathetic characters. There is the interplay of life and death, and love and surrender/loss. There is the sense of being a whole person with one's eroticism, of bringing a sense of spiritual eroticism into every part of life, rather than hiding it away out of shame or embarrassment.”

The storyline is one of a mature lady teaching a younger man the joy of sex without pressure and without the need to climax or even end. I highly recommend this film and it can be seen on Netflix. 11-01-13

Tuesday, February 05, 2013

The Unbearable Likeness of Being. 1988, R

For those who wonder if Abraham Lincoln ever had a sex life, I would recommend the film The Unbearable Likeness of Being. Daniel Day Lewis, the star of Lincoln (2012) the movie, is also the lead in this excellent and award winning film. Lewis is not (of course) sexual in Lincoln but is very sexual in Likeness of Being. The film is an epic story of a couple’s struggle against Communism in their home country of Czechoslovakia, but maybe even more a epic struggle of marriage fidelity. The film is brilliantly edited to include real news film clips edited to include the actors. Remember this is 1988 before digital editing. The film has plenty of nudity and numerous wild sex scenes. However, my recent re-viewing of the film left me feeling the themes and drama are current and the film has not aged. 2/5/13

Now & Later, 2009, NR

 Philippe Diaz directed this very erotic and interesting film. Philippe Diaz is noted for provocative documentaries centered on economic inequalities as a result of colonization. This is not particularly the resume’ expected for erotic drama. Nonetheless, he takes these same themes into this sensual story of a beautiful Nicaraguan lady who befriends a white collar criminal and capitalist banker running from the law. Yes, I am not making the storyline up. The odd fact is that the storyline works. She teaches the gentleman to live for NOW rather than LATER. The film is very explicit with not just nudity but graphic scenes of love making. The photography is beautiful and the dialogue is genuine. A strong recommendation as a couples film unless you are a member of the tea party or turned off by socialism. 2/5/13

Take This Waltz, 2011, R


Michelle Williams provides yet another outstanding performance as Margot in this excellent film. Williams continues a career where she delivers films that explore sex and the complicated relationships surrounding sex. Her credits in this area include Brokeback Mountain, If These Walls Could Talk, Mammoth, My Week With Marilyn and Blue Valentine. The storyline of Take This Waltz has been told many times; married woman chooses erotic affair, leaving devoted husband. The storyline in this film is less important than the complicated nuances’ in this drama delivered by Williams and director Sarah Polley. These scenes include a shower sequence of 8 nude woman ages 30-70 discussing the pros and cons of taking risks in relationships, an underwater swimming pool dance of Margot and her lover that abruptly ends with a touch, a heartbreaking multiple shot sequence of husband’s reactions upon hearing of his wife’s affair and the erotic lovemaking scenes of the couple as (yes) they invite others to join them in their bed. The story may be simple but the drama is complex and the outcome unclear. 2/5/13

Thursday, November 29, 2012

Sexual Chronicle of a French Family, 2012, NR


Why do the French seem so comfortable about sex? Having traveled to France I have witnessed the many nude and topless beaches, the open display of erotic marketing and the beautiful women who yes, refuse to shave their armpits and elsewhere. This film continues the story of how the French are comfortable with their sexuality.

This is a stylish, high definition, erotic, explicit and romantic film with enough storyline to keep your intellectual interest. The explicit nature of the film certainly will keep your erotic interest. The characters are fresh. There is ample nudity and many real scenes of sexual intimacy. The story is about a 3-generation family whose members are each dealing with sexual discovery. The mother played by Valerie Mais is the center of the family. Her focus is to encourage members to accept their sexuality as something healthy. The issues of family members include prostitution, bi-sexuality, loss of virginity, masturbation, fantasy role playing, group sex and much more! This would seem chaotic yet the film’s storyline manages to hold these themes together. These issues are addressed honestly and with much explicate content. This is a good film but definitely not for children. 11/15/12

Conception, 2011, NR


This is a painfully funny film about the complexity of couples in love trying to have sex and either trying to become pregnant or trying not to become pregnant. The film follows 9 very different couples. It documents that sex often is so exciting during romance and then later becomes a chore. Sometimes it is even worse than a chore as it becomes the background for battle. The film is a catalog of events and conflict that drain sex of pleasure. However, they are all so painfully real. Connie Britton from Friday Night Lights, is excellent in this film. This is a funny, entertaining and provocative film. I recommend it. 11/15/12

Hope Springs, 2012, PG-13


Meryl Streep, Tommy Lee Jones; Directed by David Frankel

Crediting the value of sex by its absence is the basis of Hope Springs, but there’s warmth, and, eventually, slow passion in this film that a friend concisely calls “cute, awkward, and predictable.” A couple (Meryl Streep and Tommy Lee Jones), married thirty-two years in a life that has become humdrum, are insistently coaxed, prodded, and provoked by a prominent sex and marriage counselor and author (Steve Carell) toward regaining intimacy. They come to see, that it is both essential to vitality and legitimately theirs to thrive on.

I completely agree with “cute, awkward, and predictable.” This film is recommended if you are not in a frame of mind for nuance, depth, glamour, or sexual tension and release. What’s left then? The humor of Streep and Jones to fit in their characters, sensory comforts combined with a reminder that simply co-occupying a long-term relationship can erase the erotic and passion of the heart.

Reviewed by DR 11/15/12

I enjoyed the film. It was predictable. But maybe trying to get sex back into a 31 year marriage is never really predictable. The film was heartwarming and romantic. These are good things that should not be reserved only for young couples.
Paul 12/24/12

Monday, July 16, 2012

Sex in Film: MAD MEN, season 5

Emmy and Golden Globe drama winner MAD MEN (AMC TV, Matthew Weiner exec. producer and large principal cast), in its 5th season, follows a New York City advertising agency in the1960s. The writing is smart, the characters well developed, the settings and situations plentiful and accurate. Personal and societal brilliance, shortcomings, quirks, and sometimes quick, but more often painfully slow personal growth figure throughout.

MAD MEN draws much of its dramatic energy from the charismatic, polished, urbane, and enigmatic Don Draper (Jon Hamm), and his male colleagues, but each season shifts more emphasis on the women. What they are seeing, doing, feeling and struggling with determines much of what we see on screen. They grew up being told that the man they became dependent upon would define them. Their struggle to recognize this fact and respond to it in their individual lives makes for dramatic tension. The women created by Weiner and his writers are not stereotypes, but archetypes. In 43 minute weekly episodes, their inner lives cannot be told so well as in a full length film, but their experience of sex is a central story element of MAD MEN.

There are zipless fucks in good supply: Draper’s wife Betty (Joan January) enjoying the vibrations of her automatic washer, or standing up in a hallway alcove coupling with a new male acquaintance. Elisabeth Moss’ character, Peggy, AWOL at a movie after an office catastrophe, brings to climax a man who offers her a joint in the almost empty theater. Draper’s glamorous mother-in-law briefly leaves the table at a business awards dinner and takes in her mouth Draper’s business partner. The camera eye, from a distance, is that of Draper’s 12 y.o. Daughter. At work, couches, or at least desks to lean on as soon as the office door is locked, accommodate sex.  By contrast in season 5, Draper’s new wife Megan (Jessica ParĂ©), is a force of sexual voracity, brains, and heart, devoted entirely to him. In several memorable scenes, he seems to find it unfathomable that he now feels the like toward her. The Don Draper of season 5 brings to mind Mr. Jones, in Bob Dylan’s Ballad of a Thin Man. He sees something happening here, but doesn’t know what it is.

The sexual scenes are strongly instrumental to theme and plot, but are new ground for a popular 8:00 PM cable TV serial. They entice, transgress, and reflect angst over gender and governance. I’ve been amused, embarrassed, discomforted, excited, piqued, and encouraged by Mad Men. It’s edgier than, say, Friday Night Lights, and less clear as to character and emotions, but just as true.  Recommend.
Reviewed by DR






Sunday, February 05, 2012

Easier With Practice 2009- NR


We often think of “coming of age” films as stories about 16 year olds. This movie is a “coming of age” film about a 28 year old. Davy (played by Brian Geraghty of The Hurt Locker fame) is a struggling short story author who is depressed and without purpose -- until an unexpected phone call from stranger Nicole leads to life-changing phone sex. Davy learns to be honest with himself and learns when to be dishonest with others. “Coming of age” very often, not sometimes but often, means giving up an unrealistic sexual fantasy for a true relationship of meaning. These meaningful relationships are sometimes erotic, sometimes not, but always soulful. This is an excellent independent film about lonely people finding companionship. 2/5/12

The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo 2011 – R

Swedish author Stieg Larsson left unpublished a sequence of three novels after his death in 2004. The first, Men Who Hate Woman (translation via Wikipedia) came out as The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo in 2005. A Swedish language film of the same name followed in 2009, and, in 2011, a U.S. production in English. I’ve seen both films and will concentrate on the second, though unavoidably with the first in view. The same Wikipedia contributor offered that, when a youth, Larsson failed to intervene in a gang rape of a young girl named Lisbeth, the name given to his tattooed and damaged principal character.

Sexual energy is prominent in the main and primary supporting roles but no one smiles about it, and all have other, pressing business. The plot is complicated. Lisbeth, reflecting abuse by caregivers, perhaps, seduces woman and man expeditiously, with a strong physical presence. But only a short time previous (the film jumps around), she is mercilessly raped and sodomized by her legally appointed guardian in a frank and brutal scene, one of several. She manages later to systematically return the favor and attendant blackmail. Though Rooney Mara as Lisbeth and Daniel Craig as journalist Mikael Blomkvist are picturesque in coupling, they are only weakly intimate. They manage just a tentative reaching out and, at the same time, satisfy an appetite only just arisen. Even in Mikael’s long-term affair with married business colleague Erika (Robin Wright), intimacy gets shorted.

If there’s a sexual theme, it’s the weakening of eroticism and intimacy. The backgrounds and circumstances of the characters are poor soil to nourish affection. Despite very good cinematography and acting, I find the colder, darker, less heroic Swedish version and its more furtive, desperate and hasty characters – and sex - more genuine, but the brutal scenes are comparable. Be prepared.

I recommend the film. Its cinematic and narrative qualities are strong, including sexual intimacy pinched in two lives dominated by retribution. I don't recall Mikael and Lisbeth kissing. Mid stride during intercourse, she on top, they exchange ideas about the investigations that form most of the plot. Lisbeth postpones the talk just long enough for her orgasm. Sexy, yes, but painfully lean in interpersonal comforts.
  Reviewed by David R. 2/5/12

Saturday, January 07, 2012

Room in Rome (2010) - NR

Room in Rome is a beautiful and very erotic film. It is the story of two young women meeting for a single night erotic encounter. But the film is so much more. The director Julio Medem captures all the subtle shadows of two beautiful naked women in a dimly light exotic Rome hotel room. Through the women remain nude throughout the film; the erotic shadows lessen as the past painful secrets of the women are revealed. The haunting soundtrack from Russian Red with the hit single “Loving Strangers” creates a perfect mood for this film. 1/6/12

Thursday, December 08, 2011

Erotic Massage Video Clips (Adults Only, Dailymotion video web site, couplesmassage group)

Dailymotion (http://www.dailymotion.com/) is a video posting web site similar to YouTube. One difference however is that dailymotion allows explicit and erotic video postings. We have found the quality of the videos to be very good and very erotic. The site does occasionally have advertisements that delay the viewing of clips. The site is relatively safe from spyware or viruses. Nonetheless, viewing erotic material on the web ALWAYS requires virus protection software. A dailymotion account is required to view erotic content and the “family filter ON” must be clicked and turned “OFF”.

We have collected 8 erotic massage video clips in a group. The group is called “couplesmassage.” This group can be opened by searching on the site for “couplesmassage” or using the following link http://www.dailymotion.com/group/couplesmassage#videoId=xlay6b

Erotic massage is a wonderful way to give pleasure, love and acceptance to your partner. Watching videos of erotic massage is a wonderful way to enjoy foreplay or mutual self play. Erotic massage videos are perfect companions to vibrators. The 8 erotic massage video clips on our group “couplesmassage” are ones we have particularly enjoyed. They range from 4 minutes to 10 minutes in length. Two clips feature Tantric massage instruction and demonstration. Another set of clips feature NUMA gel oriental full body massage. A final set of clips demonstrate erotic massage techniques. One 10 minute clip features a massage in an outdoor stone bathtub. The location is tropical with flower petals floating in the tub. This clip is truly an exotic and sensual scene. We welcome others to join this web group, comment on our selections and add links to erotic massage clips they have found enjoyable. 12/8/11

Friday Night Lights (2006-2010) TV-PG

The history of this extraordinary series runs parallel to the drama it portrayed. Despite critical acclaim, this series drew little initial attention from viewers. It first aired on a small cable network and then at season three production was delayed due to the 2008 writers strike. The series was nearly cancelled before NBC picked it up and aired it secondary to the cabal outlet. Finally, in season five, it began to collect both Emmy nominations and awards. The popularity of this ended series is now greater than when it aired. Nearly all the actors have been picked up for new movie contracts.

I wish I could give 10 out of 10 stars to this series. This is one of my best if not my best television experience. Just to be clear, I love Mad Men, 6 Feet Under, etc. The story in this coming of age series is about people working hard to get it right. It is a genuinely heart-felt drama of people making mistakes, admitting to errors and then trying harder to get it right. The relations in this series are real. The pain and tears are real. The lessons about growing-up are real for all of us. This series is a treasure. You can rent the full five seasons from Netflix.

The series tracks the first sexual and love relationships of teenagers all centered on small town high school football. It also tracks the response of their parents. It teaches that relationships can change. These changes shift our feelings of love to new partners. Yet it models how friendships and respect can survive these changes. The series captures the first love sexual experience of young people in a way that reminds us all of the bitter sweet pain of our own youth. These memories are valuable for all of us to revisit. Friday Night Lights is scripted to encourage adult tears. These tears recognize similar pain in our history and encourage us to be better parents. 12/3/11

The Song of Lunch (11/13/11-Masterpiece Contemporary) TV-PBS

A 1 hour screen play following a narrative poem of the same name by Christopher Reid. Alan Rickman and Emma Thompson play former lovers. Fifteen years have passed since their love affair ended. They meet for lunch, their first since separation. She is affable and sensitive from the start, and he awkward, then dour, then disconnected altogether, dominated by everyone and everything, even the wine. Their lives have been wholly different in the intervening years. She's well married to a successful author and appears happy and robust. His poems never found much of an audience and his days working for a publisher are taken up with the literary failings of other writers, or, perhaps worse, the occasional discovery of a new and brilliant manuscript. What the heck was he thinking when he invited her? This is a film about a man with inside voices, not crazy and psychotic voices, but inside voices. He is so caught up with himself that even in the presence of the one person who has given him the most joy in his life, and most erotic joy at that, he chooses to get drunk. Filmed from the back and revisited several times, you are there with him in their lovemaking long past. And that's the point. He's never moved on. Lunch together would be just the time to clear away a few sore spots that might remain, replacing them with small affections. But that is not to be. Rickman and Thompson are masterful. Watching their faces is to take in a parallel script, not always compatible with their lines. This is an accomplished little film, with some clever surprises. Sexual intimacy is a central element of the plot and the on-screen sex most effective. What's also remarkable is its appearance on broadcast TV on Sunday evening. This film is also available on line. This is a film that encourages us to not spend many years thinking and drinking away the lost sexual and intimacy pleasures. This is a film that illustrates the failure that results from not changing the inside voices. Submitted by David R. 12/7/11

Thursday, June 16, 2011

Blue Valentine (2010) - R

This is a sad (blue) and disturbing film. It is also brilliantly acted and a must see. It pulls back the cover on some of the most painful exchanges between people who once loved each other and now hold each other in contempt. This is not a story of good person / bad person but in the end both are contributing to the pain. The film moves forward and backward in time giving the audience scenes from better times. However, even the better times were not that good. The film’s ads caution the audience regarding explicit sexuality. After seeing the film I honestly could not remember seeing explicit sex. Perhaps the film was so painful that even the sex could not be recognized apart from the couple’s dysfunction. See this film for the award nominating acting and screenplay. Be prepared to be disturbed. 6/15/11

Thursday, May 26, 2011

Raising Victor Vargas (2002) - R

There are so many coming of age films. It is a type of film where young adults become adults, “or sort of”. Sex is always either the headline or the sub-text. All of this is true with Raising Victor Vargas. However, the film makes a major shift about 40 minutes in. The youth teens, so hip and so sexual, stop their lives and flip their world to care for their grandmother. They stop their own searching for identity, personally and sexually, and take care of their family. The result is a maturity and sexuality beyond their years and perhaps beyond our years.

This is a film to watch with your teenagers when you feel like you are speaking different languages. Take a deep breath; it has a lot of sex. That is good. Teenagers have a lot of sex. However, teenagers have less intercourse than you think and are SO struggling for relationships. 12/16/10

Stage Beauty (2004) - R

Stage Beauty is a fictional story based on the historical event of English Theater allowing women to play women. As we know, Shakespeare’s plays were composed of all male casts. Women’s roles were played by men. This film follows the fictional event of an actor, played by Billy Crudup, who specialized in playing women. Crudup’s character becomes unemployed when women play women. This leads to a personal crises where he loses his acting identify, personal gender identity and sexual identity.

Billy Crudup acting in this film is excellent. The 17th Century set design and costumes deserve an award. However, this film is remarkable because of a mind bending gender and sexual theme. The theme is how a homosexual man can teach a woman how to make love to him. Conversely, how then she can enjoy the sexual pleasures from a man skilled at being a woman. This is nothing but pure Shakespeare. Unfortunately, the film was not well received. I recommend it. 5/26/11

Sunday, December 05, 2010

The Fabulous Baker Boys (1989)- R

Michelle Pfeiffer delivers a well deserved Oscar nomination as a sexy, street wise jazz singer in this excellent romantic drama. The Baker brothers, who in real life are the Bridges’ brothers of Jeff and Beau, revive their nightclub act with the addition of a gorgeous lady singer. Her charm and seductive voice steal the show both in the screenplay and the real movie.

The film has a great music score. It also portrays the often contradictory obligations of romantic and family relationships. 12/4/10

Remember Me (2010) PG-13

There are few things more painful than the death of a young person. We invest aspirations for improving life in our youth. We see purity in the romance of young people’s love. We are inspired by the idealism of youth. Young people are the future both symbolically and in reality. When a young person dies there is a death of the future and the pain seems nearly unbearable.

In the romantic drama “Remember Me” three young people die. The movie is a story about how two families respond to these deaths. Their responses change from nearly unbearable pain to anger to hope and finally to reconciliation.. Robert Pattinson plays the role of a young man filled with rage because of his brother’s death and because he blames that death on his father. Emilie de Ravin plays the role of a daughter who witnessed the murder of her young mother. These characters fall in love and partly from their sexual passion find healing.

My 28 year old daughter died 9 months ago. The story in “Remember Me” accurately reflects much of my family’s journey through grief. I recommend this film. 11/9/10

Sunday, October 17, 2010

Henry & June (1990)- NC 17

“Age does not protect you from love. But love to some extent, protects you from age.” Anail Nin

“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” Anail Nin

The movie Henry & June is really not about the famous author Henry Miller (Tropic of Cancer, etc.) and his wife June Miller, but about the love affairs Anail Nin had with both Henry & June. Set in Paris in the 1930, this film is beautifully filmed. Maria de Mediros is perfect as Anail. She captures the childlike curiosity Anail had for eroticism and open relationships. This film is a must for understanding the left-bank Paris culture of the 30’s, as art and literature tore away from Victorian romanticism. The sexuality in this film is well done and enjoyable. This is a beautiful, sensual and thought provoking film.
10/17/10

Monday, July 26, 2010

Damage (1992)- R

People usually think of passion as an emotion. Sex researchers however are finding that certain kinds of passion are driven by a biochemical cocktail similar to opium. When this cocktail floods the system it produces both pleasure and uncharacteristic irrational obsessive behavior. A person under this spell often cannot sleep, eat or get the other person out of his minds. We call this falling in love, but actually it is falling out of reason and into passion. It’s wonderful! However, thank god it does not last because this condition can cause damage.

The characters played by Jeremy Irons and Juliette Binoche in the movie Damage are intoxicated by passion. They can barely speak to each other and cannot take their eyes off each other. Their passion cannot be quenched until their cloths are pulled off and their bodies joined in scenes of steamy eroticism. They then try to talk and try to make logic of their dangerous passion that could destroy their families. However, the passion returns. Their bodies are again flooded with endorphins that provide great pleasure but in the end do great damage.

How can very smart people throw their careers and families away by passion? What exactly were Bill Clinton and Eliot Spitzer thinking? See the movie Damage to understand the answer to this question. This is a film with very good acting and a strong, erotic story. The story is both sexually arousing and frightening. We are all a biochemical cocktail away from high passion and possible damage.

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Films Recommended for Viewing and Reviewed on this Site- By Subject

Coming of Age: These films deal with adolescents and young people’s early or first sexual experience, or young people’s experimentation with sex. The stories exemplify positive and negative sex education. Suggested use: parents/adolescents adjusting to change, college sex education classes, challenges for sexual discussions, setting the mood for eroticism
Kissing on the Mouth (2005)- UR
YPF (2007)- UR
Shortbus (2006)- UR
Private Lesions (1981)- R
Y Tu Mama Tambien (2001) – UR “And Your Mama Too”
Pretty Baby (1978)-R
The Man in the Moon (1991)- PG13

Cross Generation Sex: These films deal with sexual relations between an adult and younger person. Some of these films deal with criminal child abuse. The stories, sometimes erotic and often painful, illustrate imbalance of power. Suggested use: sexual abuse, restoring partner intimacy, sexual obsession.
The Lover (1992) – R
Notes on a Scandal (2006)- R
The Reader (2008)- R
The Woodsman (2004)- R
Malena (2000)-R

Steamy Romance: These films deal with loving and erotic relationship. The films often include nudity and erotic stories. Suggested use: restoring partner intimacy, setting the mood for eroticism.
Sea of Love (1989)- R
Dangerous Liaisons (1988)- R
Body Heat (1981) – R
Lady Chatterley (2006)- NR
Better Than Sex (2002)- R
Seventh Sense (1999)- NR
Kama Sutra: A Tale of Love (1997)- R
Red Shoe Diary: The Movie: Special Edition (1992)- R
Lady Chatterley's Lover (1981)- R
Before Sunrise -R (1995) and Before Sunset -R (2004)
Emmanuelle (1974)-NR
Sound of the Sea- (2001)-R


Steamy Drama: These films deal with life situation or love relationships with conflict and tension. The films often include explicit sexuality and eroticism. However, the films also include human drama that is provoked by the sexuality. Suggested use: restoring partner intimacy, setting the mood for eroticism, demonstrating conflict, Understanding the complexity of sexuality, sexual healing
Damage (1992)- R
Basic Instincts (1992)- R
Lake Consequence (1993) –R
En La Cama (2005)- NR
Something About Sex (1998)- R
Secret Things (2002)- NR
Sex and Lucia (2002)- R
Confusions of An Unmarried Couple (2006) –UR
Lie With Me (2005)- NR
Brown Bunny (2004) UR
The Door in the Floor (2004) R
Anatomy of Hell (2004) – UR
9 Songs (2004)-NR
The Piano (1993)-R
Bride of the Wind (2001)-R
I, A Woman (1966)- UR
The Mother (2003) -R



Steamy Comedy: These films deal with life situation or love relationships with humor. The films often include explicit sexuality and eroticism. However, the films also include human comedy that is provoked by the sexuality. Suggested use: restoring partner intimacy, setting the mood for eroticism, demonstrating conflict. Understanding the complexity of sexuality, sexual healing
The Wedding Banquet (1993)- R
Sirens (1994)- R
Better than Chocolate (1999)- R

Romance: These films deal with love and relationship. Some of the films are comedies and others are drama. These are usually considered “chick flicks,” but men love them too. Suggested use: restoring partner intimacy, setting the mood for eroticism.
Notebook (2004)- PG123
It's Complicated (2009)- R
The Duchess (2008, PG-13)



Sex and Religion: These films deal with the crossing of religious traditions and sexuality. Frequently, this meeting is one of conflict and struggle. Suggested use: religious conflict, religious guilt, culture education, understanding sex in the context of religion.
Trembling Before G_D (2001)- UR
The Holy Land (2003)-R


Affairs and Infidelity: These films deal with affairs and sex with partners outside the relationship. Suggested use: dealing with affairs, setting the mood for eroticism, demonstrating conflict.
The End of an Affair (1999)- R
A Walk on the Moon (1999)-R
All The Ladies Do It (1992)- NR
Eyes Wide Shut (1999)- R

Sex Therapy and Documentary: These films deal with improving the quality of sex within a relationship, sexual healing and understanding of sexuality. They also record the history of sexuality. These films are frequently educational with instruction. Suggested use: improving the quality of erotic play, setting the mood for eroticism, understanding sexual problems, examples of sexual healing, history of sexual studies
Private Practices: The Story of a Sex Surrogate (1985)- NR
Cathouse: The Series (2005)- NR
Bliss (1997)-R
Kinsey (2004)- R
Loving Sex- Ultimate Massage (1998) – Educational
Friends & Lovers, Sex and Interviews with Real Couples (2005)- X
The Joys of Erotic Massage (Educational)
Xana & Dax: When Opposites Attract (2005)-X
Inside Deep Throat (2005)- NC-17

Polyamous and Swinging Lifestyle: These films deal with sexual relation with more than one person or couples, OR with couples agreeing that their partners can have sex with other people. All participants are knowledgeable and consenting. Suggested use: improving the quality of erotic play, setting the mood for eroticism, understanding variations of sexual relationships.
Kissing The Sky (1998)- R
"Swinging: From Fantasy to Reality" (2004)- Educational
Delta of Venus (1995) NC-17
One Night Stand (1997)- R
The Lifestyle: Swinging in America (2000)- Documentary
Head in the Clouds (2004)-R
My Best Friend's Wife (2001)-R
Henry & June (1990) NC-17

Sexual Fetish: These films deal with the sexual eroticism that people attach to certain object or certain behaviors. Suggested use: improving the quality of erotic play, setting the mood for eroticism, understanding sexual problems, examples of sexual healing, history of sexual studies
Frivolous Lola (1998)- NR
Romance- Director’s Cut (1999)- NR
Secretary (2002)-R
9 1/2 weeks (1986) - NR


Gay and Lesbian Sexuality: These films deal with sexual relations with the same sex. Some of the films are erotic and many are studies of coming out in a predominately heterosexual world. Suggested use: improving the quality of erotic play, setting the mood for eroticism, understanding sexual problems, examples of sexual healing, history of sexual studies, understanding alternative sexual lifestyles, talking to others about their sexual lifestyle
Brokeback Mountain (2005)- R
Girl’s Play (2004) NR
Watching You (2003)-NR
Tipping The Velvet (2002)- NR
Therese and Isabelle (1968)- UR
Amour de Famme: A Woman’s Love (2004)- R

Saturday, July 03, 2010

Inside Deep Throat (2005) NC-17

Reprinted from Netflix review

I have to say this was the funniest film I've seen in a long time. I found myself laughing out loud in the theater, something I rarely do, and I was not alone. Maybe it's just funny to see aging porn stars with tight jeans, belly hanging over the jeans, and a button down shirt that should be buttoned up. Linda Lovelace was dealt a bad deck of cards. But how she dealt with it was even worse. You feel sorry for her, but it almost seems like either she was manipulated or the manipulator. You be the judge. For those of you who dont' know the basic plot to "Deep Throat", here you go: Linda Lovelace could perform an act so extraordinary that they made a film out of it. Yes, they show it in "Inside Deep Throat", hence the NC-17 rating. I have to say, er, um, it's impressive, to say the least. The basic jist of "Deep Throat" is that she could not experience pleasure any normal way because her sexual organs lay in her throat. Ha ha, problem solved, every man's dream. What this documentary goes into is how it was the best grossing film of all time. DT was made for $25,000 and has grossed over $600 million. It caused quite the scandal when it was released, even the government tried to shut it down. It opened in Times Square before Times Square became the neon tourist trap it is now. DT, while riding on the heels of a sexual revolution, pushed back America's boundaries of tolerance. Far back. This is definitely a documentary at it's finest, but not for the faint of heart or those that can't stand the NC-17 rating.

Sunday, June 27, 2010

The Duchess (2008, PG-13)

Submitted by David

This is a story of sexual and emotional collisions amidst English politics of the late 18th century. The experiences could fit in the 20th century, or even the 21st, current gender politics and sexuality notwithstanding. While sexual desire and intimation is evident everywhere (the clothes are titillating enough), sex is not generously given or gratefully accepted. What a shame.

Georgiana, soon to be Duchess of Devonshire (Keira knightly) is but 17 when betrothed to the older Duke (Ralph Fiennes – fittingly Voldemort in Harry Potter films.) Other than arranging marriage, he hardly woos her, nor makes love, in any of their couplings. She is the vessel to produce a son. He is inclined toward other sexual exploits.

Lady Bess Foster (Hayley Atwell) is one such object. Bess and Georgiana become friends after Bess rebuffs the Duke’s advances at a social gathering. In time, and with grace and affection, Bess brings Georgiana to orgasm. Bess also reawakens Georgiana’s affection toward a male friend of her youth (Charles Grey, played by Dominic Cooper) who is emerging as a politician. But the Duke eventually has his way with Bess.

Georgiana finally produces a son, after a string of daughters and still-born boys.
She then obtains an interlude away from the household and becomes a lover, at last, with Charles, but much else worsens and overtakes. Years go by and Duke and Duchess find and reinforce a trace of affection, probably based on difficulties shared, material necessity, and political expedience.

The film invites reflection on the life of Diana of Wales, ended by a 1997 auto crash. Leaving that there, the sets, clothes, musical scores, supporting cast, and a host of extras, make The Duchess well worth viewing for 110 minutes.

Friday, June 25, 2010

It's Complicated (2009)- R

Is it cheating to have sex with your ex-husband, who is married to a woman that sleep with your ex when he wasn’t your ex? This is one of the many complicated questions raised by Meryl Streep playing Jane and Alec Baldwin playing Jake in this funny romantic comedy. This is a very entertaining, at times hilarious, film about the complexities of divorce, re-marriage, blended families and sex. A more complicated question is how can healing of a fractured marriage happen without doing more damage to current relationships? Regardless, we are all happy that Jane’s sexual fire is again ignited and with it comes all the energy to again enjoy life. For over 30 years Meryl Streep has delivered and delivered. We almost think of her as part of our family. 6/25/10

Thursday, June 24, 2010

Notebook (2004)- PG13

Reprinted in part from Netflex review

There are things in "The Notebook" that you'll figure out within 5 minutes of the movie actually starting, but that doesn't ruin the movie. You'll also be able to figure out to some degree why he's reading the notebook but you won't know until near the end of the movie how the notebook came about and the motivation behind reading it out loud. There are only about 10 minutes dealing with the "war story" part of the movie and it's necessary to explain some things. The last half hour brings everything together and it's highly emotional. The actual ending is just what it should be and altogether fitting. All in all, the movie runs you through every emotion in the human spectrum and, in my opinion, it's the best "love story" I've ever seen or read. The storyline of this movie is exceptional, and James Garner, Gena Rowlands & the supporting cast brought this saga to life in a most extraordinary manner. The movie is terrific, and one I won’t forget for a long, long time – maybe never.

Monday, June 21, 2010

The Man in the Moon (1991)- PG13

reprinted in-part from Netflix review

This is an excellent coming-of-age/first romance movie, masterfully directed by Robert Mulligan who brought us "To Kill A Mockingbird", "Fear Strikes Out" and "Summer of 42", among others. This was his last directorial effort and he picked a fine film in which to close out his career. The stars of this movie are the kids, Dani, played by Reese Witherspoon in her film debut, Maureen, played by Emily Warfield and Court, played by Jason London. Warfield and London have since had moderate theatrical success, but Witherspoon has been the one to achieve box office stardom...and the reason for that disparity is pretty evident in this movie as Witherspoon (who was only 15 in 1991) already comes across as an accomplished actor. The story of the two sisters (Witherspoon and Warfield) falling in love with the same boy (London) is a familiar one, but never portrayed better than here. Combine that with a near-tragedy that strikes the pregnant mother (Tess Harper) and a real tragedy that strikes as the heart of the teen romance and you've got the makings of a real tear jerker. Mulligan's intelligent direction though keeps this from becoming too cliched and maudlin and the lessons learned after tragedy (and near tragedy) strikes helps to reunite the sisters and the family.

This excellent film should be seen because of the brilliant performance of Reese Witherspoon. However, it should also be seen because of the outstanding examples of parenting, played by Sam Waterston and Tess Harper. The film demonstrates how parents can affirm the first sexual and love feelings of a 14 year old. The parents don’t panic despite pain and tragedy. They model strength and acceptance without melodrama. I highly recommend this film.

Sunday, June 20, 2010

The Lover (1992) – NR

The photography in this film is outstanding. From the opening close-up of a young 15 year-old French girl in Saigon to the panoramic street and country scenes of Colonial Vietnam in 1929, the film’s cinematography is beautiful. The details in the shots are refined to a degree that the audience can nearly smell and taste the food cooking from street vendors. The director Jean-Jacques Annaud takes this highly refined gift of cinematography into the bedroom to capture the beauty and the sweat of lovemaking. The NR version of The Lover has highly erotic and explicit sexual scenes of the young French girl, played by Jane March and the lover, played by Tony Leung Ka Fai. Though steamy, the film is a romance centered on forbidden love. The film was nominated for the 1993 Oscar for Best Cinematography.

The film opens as a young French girl from a dysfunctional family that has fallen on hard times is returning to boarding school. An older wealthy Chinese gentleman offers her a ride into town. She accepts. Their hands touch and his passion grows. That she notices his passion is obvious. We follow the couple as they secretly meet for their lovemaking. She gives her innocence then her passion and her body. The erotic scenes are filmed from a small first floor hotel room, with the clatter and smells of the city right outside their door.

The Lover is about so much more than forbidden love. It is about race, class, wealth, privilege, family violence, traditions and religion. The story of this affair as seen in the context of these two families is as complex a tapestry as the crowded streets of Saigon. This is a powerful drama not to be missed.

Sea of Love (1989) – R

Ellen Barkin is very hot in the movie, Sea of Love. Her body and the love scenes are hot but her character is steaming with hot energy. She plays a strong woman who knows what she wants and is going to get it, both in and out of bed. The movie brings Al Pacino together with Ellen Barkin in a story of multiple murders. The story is a “who done it” plot that keeps you watching.

Sunday, November 22, 2009

Private Practices: The Story of a Sex Surrogate (1985) - NR

This documentary follows the experience of a sex surrogate and two of her clients and then follows all of them into their separate psychotherapy sessions. This is a film of the 80’s, a time in which we as a culture were more progressive.

This film is not erotic but is touching and warm. It is for people who like sex from the neck up as much as the neck down. The surrogate and clients talk about what for them is erotic intimacy. All three confess that it is sometimes hard to capture and harder to sustain. Men should see this film if they are confused about how to pleasure a woman. Women should see this film if they want to understand why men are confused. I recommend this film for people either receiving or providing couples therapy. It is an honest and helpful film.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Trembling Before G-d (2001)- UR

“Trembling Before G-d” is a thought provoking documentary that explores the struggle within the orthodox Jewish faith regarding their gay and lesbian people. The documentary captures sincere people of Jewish faith holding traditional views of sin. The documentary also captures sincere gay and lesbian people of Jewish faith whose lives are devastated because of these traditional views. The film, shot on the streets of Brooklyn and Jerusalem, provides a rich texture of religious tradition. A tradition however that is inflexible and intolerant. The most telling segment of the film asks the provocative question, “Can G-d change His mind?” Apparently, the question has been asked by others, Moses and Jonah in the Old Testament to name just two. The film leaves the question unanswered.

Thursday, August 20, 2009

The Reader (2008)- R

Review submitted by d.r.

The Reader has become something of a frequent flier in conversations at home. Our discussions flit and hover like disturbed hornets around whether criminal sex with a juvenile adolescent, and failing to unearth wickedness in someone who is a party to the horrific crimes of the Nazis, are fit subjects for cinema that suggests sympathy with the characters. One of us is certain that severe embarrassment over illiteracy cannot possibly be enough to explain becoming an SS guard, but the other thinks that social unawareness and expedience could do so. Our contrary interpretations are that ordinary human limitations and ineptitude, sadly, can explain essentially all the events of the film, OR, more antagonistically, one character is severely damaged and the other evil, and the story irresponsibly underplayed this.

Regardless of the correct interpretation, The Reader is a brilliant film well deserving of Best Picture nomination. The film did not win Best Picture perhaps because its controversial content.

The story follows the lives of two people 20 years apart in age. It begins with a brief love affair and ends in tragedy. Principal actors are Kate Winslet (clearly a superb performance by Kate Winslet, winner of the 2009 Best Actress) as Hanna Schmitz, Ralph Fiennes as Michael Berg, and David Kross as Berg, at a younger age.

The sex is often lovely and very explicit. It could titillate were it not for the painful and tragic events to follow. Hanna Schmitz skillfully and erotically seduces a young boy into a sexual affair. However, after a time, she will not accommodate his lust until he reads to her: classics, plays, poetry, novels, and short stories. She basks in these occasions; attentive, curious, delighted, eclectic, and liberated. It becomes clear to Michael that she is illiterate, though she will not say so. One day he finds her apartment vacant and he is devastated.

The events that follow leave an emotional scar on Michael Berg from which he never recovers. We follow him into law school where Hanna Schmitz’s and his paths cross again; he as a law student observer and she as a defendant on trial for Nazis war crimes. It is soon clear that her perception of the events in question was that she was not a hands-on contributor to societal catastrophe. Rather, she viewed them with neutral emotions and with pride in her work skills and orderly accomplishments.

The engrossing, prolonged, strongly sexual romance early in the movie, in the midst of immiscible backgrounds, unequal ages, and disabling limitations of character, is genuine for the enacted lives and circumstances. For Michael it was a deeply erotic and love experience. However, for Hanna, was it solely perfunctory as a means to have “a reader?” Reviewers and acquaintances complain of the criminal sexual taking of a 15 year old boy. Others object that Hanna Schmitz is unredeemable Nazi dross. I think neither criticism suffices. Yes, the sex is problematic and consequential, but with reliable heat, it maintains intimacy in its time. The characters invoke compassion.

My partner and I have hardly resolved the questions noted at the start. In defense of my position, I think the invitation to forgive Hanna Schmitz implied in The Reader does not mean support for predatory sex with a minor, nor dulling the anger due the Nazis, nor halting justice. But it allows us to look closer.

Notes on a Scandal (2006)- R

There are certain very disturbing sexual passions. Some people gain pleasure from erotic fantasies centered on such passions. When acted upon, there are those fantasies that are criminal offenses and can destroy everyone they touch. Most certainly, the actions destroy their owner.

Sheba Hart, played by Cate Blanchett, is destroyed by her sexual passions. Sheba is an attractive wife, mother and high school teacher. She has been conscientious about her cared-for two stepchildren, one of whom has Downs’ Syndrome. Her sexual compulsion is that she cannot break free from a sexual affair with one of her 15 year old students. This is a different story than the one told in movies such as Private Lessons (1981), where an older woman mentors the sexual instructions of a delighted teenager. It is also different than the one told in The Reader (2008), where a young boy’s deep love for an older woman turns tragic when her earlier war crimes are revealed. Rather, Notes on a Scandal is a painful story of an adult needing the erotic attention of a young adolescent. Her need borders on addiction where self-affirmation depends on the sexual attentions from this student. This is probably the essential element of exploitation.

This is a very good film with exceptional acting from Cate Blanchett and Judi Dench. The film is important because it explores the complexity of this painful sexual topic.

Basic Instincts (1992)- R

Sharon Stone is hot, erotic and very controversial in this 1993 Oscar-nominated erotic thriller. This film is worth seeing if only for the “Sharon Stone police interrogation scene.” Stone plays a writer accused of murder. This creates exciting possibilities for the plot of her true-crime book series. During the police interrogation, she crosses and re-crosses her legs in ever-more revealing poses. Somehow Ms. Stone’s character forgot to wear panties to the police station. The exposure is very revealing for both the police and the viewer.This excellent film is very erotic, explicit and suspenseful. Though dated, it is a film not to miss.

Sunday, April 05, 2009

Kissing on the Mouth (2005)- UR

The film Kissing on the Mouth is an excellent independent film. This film is very “Indy”. More than 60% of the shots are extreme close-ups where a viewer can count the pimples on the face and elsewhere. It is a moving picture of a “Face Book” and “Tweeter” world. It takes Reality TV to the extreme. However where today’s Reality TV is made up and becomes a non-real event, Kissing on the Mouth becomes painfully real.

The film follows four 23 year olds just out of college and tracks 3 days in their lives. It tracks their lovemaking, their haircuts (both on their head and between their legs) and all their other minor and major events. Most of all it tracks their unsuccessful attempt to talk. It so accurately records their addiction to sexual touch and so accurately records their inability to connect with words. This is what makes this film important to see. The sex is graphic and real but is overshadowed by the foursome’s constant but futile attempt to talk. The film is so very painful to watch.

Please ignore the poor Netflix ratings and see this film if you enjoy filmmaking that takes risks. This filmmaking frankly looks at sex, relationships and being 23 years old

Lake Consequence (1993)- R

This movie is saved by a most erotic 15 minute hot tub sequence in the middle of the film. The three actors Billy Zane, Hollie Hummel and Joan Severance give a sexual threesome performance that is outstanding. The scene provides equal time for three separate pairings while the uninvolved other watches. The scene is beautifully filmed and contains a “steamy” effect from both the actors on the screen and the hot water.

Unfortunately, the 45 minutes before and after this scene are poorly scripted. The plot has just slightly more direction than a soft porn skin flick. The characters are left to move from moments of deep depression to angry outbursts without purpose. Nonetheless, I recommend the film for the stylish erotic threesome scene that contains very exciting bi-sexual play from the ladies.

Cathouse: The Series: Disk 1, (2005)- NR

There are two common views of prostitution. The first is that the women are victims in a form of slavery. The second is that the women gain no sexual pleasure or companionship from their craft. The HBO series Cathouse provides evidence that these views are at times incorrect. The documentary series portrays ladies as skilled, high energy performers, required to shift from roles of sex therapist to confessor depending on the client. Though potentially lucrative, the work seems exhausting and requires much emotional intensity. Few women can be successful in this profession.

Season 1 disk was both surprisingly educational and erotic. In two of the episodes the ladies instruct their customers on how best to please a woman. Customers are instructed to start with only the lightest of licks and sucks, increasing the intensity only at the invitation of the woman. Such information is equal to that of the best sex therapist or sex researcher. The customers are quick learners. Their pleasure increases as they bring the ladies to real orgasms. The ladies enjoy the pleasure and increased financial rewards of such instruction. The series contains graphic and erotic sex as well as segments where a customer only wants to talk.

I strongly recommend this series because it contains excellent educational and erotic segments. It also contains models of women who can talk openly and with insight about their sexuality, the sexuality of their customers and, therefore, the sexuality of us all.

Dangerous Liaisons (1988)- R

The 1988 academy award film Dangerous Liaisons is worth seeing more than once. The costumes are breathtaking and the acting of Glenn Close, John Malkovich and Michelle Pfeifer is brilliant. It is hard to understand why only 2 of the 3 rather than all 3 were not Oscar nominees. The costumes and acting in this film is so dominate that it may take a second viewing to appreciate the storyline.

This is a film about sex. More specifically, this is a film about using sex as an instrument to gain revenge. Glenn Close and John Malkovich play former lovers locked in a contest of who can best sexually exploit others. The contest is humorous and at times very erotic. However, the contest becomes tragic as it becomes clear that the purpose of the game is extracting revenge from each other rather than exploitation of others.

This is a remarkable film with a theme that is as current in 2009 as it was in 1988 or in the 18th century. Dangerous Liaisons should be seen twice by people obsessed with extracting revenge from former lovers.